*INTERNAL HOME MEMO*
*TO:* ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES
*DATE*: August 16, 2016
*SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION*
*Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations*
*Have been revised as below and under no* *circumstance is any violation going*
*to be accepted*.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared *Restricted Zones*. Entry
and/or passage shall require express permission from *myself upon submission of written request*.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be *discussed*!
3. Such food items as *rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk* are
Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to
*me in triplicate*, with three days notice, giving justification backed by a *qualified dietician* report as supportive documentation.
4. Bathing in the morning is limited to *5 litres* of water per
person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are *medical reasons*.
5. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. *All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster* I shall make
6. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music. *Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.*
7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the House.
8. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The
House, shall immediately have to seek *temporary employment*
somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).
9. All *visitors* intending to spend a *night/week or more* shall apply in triplicate and give *two months notice*, with an endorsement from
their *village Head or Church Priest*, giving convincing reasons why they can’t stay at their *homes*. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.
*THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!*
Chairman of Home Affairs